Snarknotes: ANGEL A Maximum Ride Novel
by Fake Crowley
Summary: What do you get when you take James Patterson's latest YA novel, a unprofesional satirist, snarkasm, and a catchy, punny title? I have no idea either, but it is /awesome./ Check it out. It's very lulzy.


**Hello, everybody. This is a Fake Crowley production, and I'm actually quite proud of this chapter. So...yeah. Worship me. **

**Stuff I own=Zip.**

**Stuff James Patterson Owns=OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!111oneeleventyone**

ANGEL: Or, "Patty can't come up with original titles."

BOOK ONE: And when the sky is falling, don't look outside your window.

Soliloquy: That son of a bitch had _better _come save my ass.

Narrator: *calmly reading the paper* Max, Fang kinda doesn't know where you are. Unless you're expecting a douche ex machine, I think it'd be best if you just saved yourself.

Soliloquy: *ignores Narry and types on computer* _Max's blog, Febuary 2007. Mood: Unfabulous._ _I can't remember eating. I can't remember sleeping. I _can _remember how that son of a bitch left me, so I'm feeling distinctly down in the dumps. I'm disoriented from all the tests, needles, and J-pop. I recall once again that if that son of a bitch had been there, I wouldn't be in this situation. FML._

Tylersvan wrote: _Haha! Sucker!_

Tothemax wrote: _Shouldn't we…help her?_

Tylersvan wrote: _I would, but I have to play Black Ops. Also, I honestly don't care._

Tothemax wrote: _…Isn't it 2007?_

Tylersvan wrote: _…Shut up._

FakeCrowley wrote: _Hello, inferior maggots._

Max wrote: _How the _hell_ did you post here?_

FakeCrowley wrote: _Through the power of the internet. Besides, this is _your _dream sequence. Anything could happen._

Max wrote: _…I'm still not convinced._

FakeCrowley wrote: _Bitch, you know I can change your name to Nudgelover._

Max AKA Nudgelover wrote: _...Ok, ok, point taken. I'll stop complaining._

FakeCrowley wrote: _Good girl._

Soliloquy: I think it'd be best if I saved myself.

Narrator: That's what I just said!

Soliloquy: Shut up.

Awesome scientist dude: No, you shut up.

Soliloquy: Shut your face up!

ASD: Shut _your mom_ up!

Narrator: Oh dear. This won't end well.

Max: DON'T TALK TRASH ABOUT MY MOM YOU, YOU…NUDGE LOVER!

ASD: Oh _no you fucking didn't._

Narrator: Guys, guys!

Max and ASD both: _What?_

Narrator: Max's cage is undone:

Max: …Oh.

ASD: …Oh, shit.

Max: Let the ass kicking commence! DJ?

Narrator: Yep?

Max: …You're my DJ.

Narrator: Look, we have a small budget, all right?

Max: …Whatever. Just put my theme music on.

DJ speakers: **Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down...**

Max: …I hate you. So much.

Narrator: Suhmile.

Max: Whatever.

*insert badass action sequence here*

Max: *wipes hands* Well, that was interesting. Where did the polka powered zombie dinosaur come from?

Sue: ! *bites whitecoat*

Narrator: Stole it.

Max: You…I beg your pardon. What was that?

Narrator: I said I stole it. *still reading newspaper*

Max: …

Fang: Emo.

Max: LYK ZOMG ITS FANG!

ASD: LYK ZOMG ITS FANG!

Max: …You're still alive?

ASD: I wore my polka powered zombie dinosaur hat today.

Max: They cell those?

ASD: A penny a dozen in Chicago.

Sue: ! *tries to bite ASD, but fails due to force field*

Max: Surprisingly effective.

ASD: I know, right?

Max: Well, goodbye.

ASD: Ciao.

Max, as she flies away: …Well, he was nice.

Narrator: Yeah.

ASD: …_Sucker._

Max: *hits window and falls to the ground*

Narrator: *fake shock* Oh my! It sounds like a bird hit our window!

Fang: Oh dear. It's too bad we chose to clean our windows today.

Max: It isn't funny!

Narrator: Yes it is, actually.

Fang: Max! Go to Dagobah!

Max: …I liked you better when you were emo.

Fang: Still am, Baby. I still am.

Nudge: Hey Max, I met up with Nudge II and it turns out that she talks just as much as I do, and shares all the same interests!

Max: Nooooooooooooo!

Gazzy: Hey, Max. I hope you don't mind, but I had a bean burrito for lunch today.

Max: Nooooooooooooo!

Iggy: Hey Max! I got my eyesight back! I can see again! Meaning that I get to be a main character now!

Max: Nooooooooooooo!

Angel: Hey, Max, guess what! I've got a new power!

Max: Nooooooooooooo!

Fang: I'm probably going to be killed off.

Max: Nooooooooooooo!

Dylan: I've become snarky!

Max: Nooooooooooooo!

Narrator: I've decided to parody the rest of FANG.

Max: Nooooooooooooo!

Narrator: Don't you think this joke is getting a bit long?

FakeCrowley: Nooooooooooooo!

Max: Gah! *wakes up* Oh…it was all…a dream…

**Beat.**

Max: Nooooooooooooo!

Narrator: Why are you screaming, "no?"

Max: Force of habit.

END

**Guten tag, peoples!**

**Spoiler Alert: Jeb dumps ter Borcht!**


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